Uninspired

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It took me 26 years to figure out that it is okay to have bad days, it is okay to be uninspired, it is okay to wallow and let life take its course. We all have bad days. Some of us have worst days. In the event of such a day or such days, it is okay to fall back and let your coping mechanism do its magic. Now, if you don’t have a coping mechanism, GET HELP.

The one thing that has been bothering me the most since our move to the United States is of me (the spouse/ dependent visa) not being able to work here. I had just begun my career in India. Moving to the United States meant better opportunities, cultural exposure, and better prospects. Unfortunately, no! As soon as we moved to Atlanta in July 2017 I went on an aggressive job/internship/volunteering hunt (mostly to know where I stand). Surprisingly I did get a lot of callbacks which makes me think this is probably not as hard as you think. But then the problems arose. No EAD, no SSN, no GC, No Visa, No shame, No life. Now you could whine about this and have a sad life of brush it off and decide this is not going to affect me. I chose the latter.

I have been without a job for two years. Sure, I miss it, drives me crazy at times, but on the bright side, I have more time to travel, to read (my reading game is going strong), to form informed opinions on the topics I love, to be super active on social media and annoy people, to cook, to take care of myself, to have fun with my dog, to go on long walks, to spend time doing nothing, to cook like it is a work of art, to fold laundry like it is a work of art, to spend time watching the sky. This may seem trivial now, but when did it become so lame and trivial to enjoy simple pleasures of life. Why are our standards of achieving happiness sky high?

I remember thinking how awesome it would be to have Anthony Bourdain’s life. A celebrated show that would let you travel in pursuit of culinary experiences. A celebrated chef who was idolized by many. Even at the pinnacle of success and achievement, he was SAD, depressed.

It took me two years to come in terms with the fact that I probably would not be able to work for a few years. It was a tough two years of self-doubt, fear of missing out, feeling useless and stupid, several nights of crying. But I am glad that everything happened the way it did because these experiences gave me a true reflection of what really makes me happy, what is worth enough to strive for.

This is my story. Talk to me about your experiences.

 

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